I just went down the rabbit hole that is the Facebook Timeline. Embarrassed about how much weight I've gain since the end of college? Yes. Kick in the ass? Yes. Time to start moving ass? Yes.

What's that? A light at the end of a tunnel? Yup. Because guess what? This girl just registered for her last classes of grad school. Ever.

I had a meltdown last night....and this morning. The pressure cooker that is my life suddenly (or not so suddenly) exploded. I have to say, it's probably been a long time coming. On Tuesday, I had to wake up much earlier than normal at 6 am. Alarm went off at 5:50 am, I hit the snooze, then I hit it again...and then again...next thing I know it's 6:18. Fuck. I jump into the shower, dry off, get dressed, throw hair in a bun, slap some make up on, then gather everything I can anticipate needing for the next 13 hours of my life for work and school. I don't eat breakfast figuring I will catch something on the road, nor do I even brush my teeth. Now before you get all judgy wudgy on me, if I brush my teeth on an empty stomach in the morning, I feel like I'm going to vomit. I can't explain why this occurs, but I have to brush my teeth after breakfast, otherwise I get super nauseous. Head out to my car 15 minutes late, go through the McDonald's drive through, and then speed to Rochester for a work meeting/training, which I arrive at 20 minutes late. I've had an egg mcmuffin and an iced coffee, so I seriously need to brush my teeth. I'm officially sitting down to the meeting a half hour later than everyone else.

Then this meeting lasts forever. And as we're going over everything left to do for this project (which I've been a part of for the past year), I'm writing the deadlines in my planner, I realize all of this is happening over the next month during the same time I have finals for my grad classes. Double fuck. I feel an overwhelming panic settle in. How do you people expect me to do this?! Meanwhile I surreptitiously check my work email, and I start thinking of everything I need to do back at my office, but will not have the chance to do until the next day. Dear God, please have my supervisor come in late tomorrow. Then I check my school email, and the Marketing Simulation has a glitch and my project partner and I cannot fix one of our ads that the game has deemed "unethical." I have to email my professor to let her know we're having technical difficulties and probably will not be able to submit all of our decisions by the 5:30 PM deadline later. Then this meeting goes over a half hour later than scheduled (Karma biting me in the ass for being late perhaps?). I finally get to escape to my car where I try to coerce Tom Tom into cooperation, but he refuses to find a satellite signal because it's deathly overcast out. I have to blindly find my way to campus across the city. I check the simulation, and it's still not working. Then I have class for 3 hours. By the time I get back to my car, I haven't seen home in 13+ hours. I'm exhausted, and decided to call J. J and we get into a fight because I'm so tense. And then it happens. The meltdown begins. I feel utterly trapped by a life of my own making, and I'm only hurting myself and the ones around me with my frustration.

This morning, Wednesday morning, I wake up and my mom asks me if I was crying last night. I instantly burst into tears again. But it felt good to let it out, to finally admit that I feel defeated by stress. I have to tell myself that this too shall pass. Graduate school will not last forever, this project will not last forever, I will be able to have a normal life again one day. I just hope and pray I won't lose my sanity before then.

During my Senior year of high school a close friend and I learned how to snowboard, but yesterday was the first time in two years (and the 2nd time ever to use my board) that I went snowboarding. Hello beautiful, I've missed you.

 I only fell a few times while getting my sea legs back so to speak, but it's really like riding a bike; once you learn it never really leaves you. Surprisingly I'm not as sore today as I thought I may be.

Certain things in life make me ridiculously happy and bright pink nails in the middle of winter (or anytime really) happen to be one of them, ps- don't mind the minor chips, they were painted a few days ago. If you're judging me, I'm judging your mother.

Bedroom Overhaul

In other news, I just dropped $500 on new furniture for my room. My room at home looks essentially the same as it did in high school, which my 16 year old self loved, but my almost-24-year-old-self does not. You may ask, why don't you just save your money for if when you move out of your parents' home? Well let's be honest, unless I start making a lot more money than I am now, there's no way I can afford to live on  my own right now. Then why don't you get a roommate? Well most of my awesome friends no longer live around here. Also, until May, I'm obligated to be in Rochester a minimum of 2 nights out of the week. So yeah, I'm definitely stuck here for at least another 6 months. Therefore, Operation Decoration is underway. In order to make my room less dorm-like and more sophisticated I have ordered:

Winslow White 2-drawer & Open Cubbie Nightstand

Winslow White 5-drawer Chest

DaVinci MDB Bookcase in White

 

The book case is technically a part of a furniture set for a baby's room, but I doubt you could tell by looking at this piece. They should be arriving by next Friday and I will probably be spending the entire weekend assembling them, but I'm so excited! All the pieces were purchased at Overstock.com and the total came to be just over $500. I'm so excited to be able to organize all of my books and photos in one place! As opposed to the artfully hidden stacks all over my room. I'm also in the market for one of those pretty mirrored vanity trays for the dresser and a new lamp for the night stand. Right now a bendy neck desk light sits on it, I tell you it's very freshman year chic.

None of the furniture in my room matches, as the youngest of 6 kids, it's basically a hodgepodge of handed-down furniture as my other siblings moved out of the house. I'm hope to also be able to purchase a new headboard and desk to match the theme as well. I'm thinking of doing before/after photos of my room and tips on organizing a tiny space, because on top of all this, my room is oh so tiny.

 

Obviously I have not been updating as much as before. I'm not going to make an excuse, I just really don't have as much time/energy to devote to it. This is perfectly OK with me, and I hope with you dear readers won't abandon me in the meantime. It's just the way it is right now. But like everything else in this world, this too shall pass.  Once May rolls around I will have more time to devote to you dear blog. Just bear with me.

In this moment, this is my life

I sit at Panera wasting time until I have to go to class as take a mid-term. Yes I said mid-term, RIT had a very silly schedule.

Winter Has Entered the Building

Winter has finally arrived dear readers, to upstate NY. The snowboarder in me is so excited at seeing all of this white stuff, but the commuter that I am, is weeping. Thank you baby Jesus for All Wheel Drive; it is worth the investment. I always use to say that I could never stand the winters here; that I needed to move down south when I grew up. I do love the warmth of the summer sun, but spending a week in Orlando, FL this past July has basically cured me of any desire to move down south. We get very cold here, but they get very hot, and I personally am not a fan of 100% humidity, 100 degree heat chub rub. Don't get me wrong, come March I will be itching to get out of here. The white will have turned to mushy browns and greys, and we will be in the middle of the third consecutive week of no sunshine. Seasonal Affective Disorder will have settled into my bones. I am learning that I am the type of person that would rather be a little too cold, than a little too hot. Also, my birthday is in the winter (!), Ground Hog's day to be exact. Someday I want to make my way to Punxsutawney, PA to see Phil pop his furry little head out and predict the next few months of weather. 

But for now I will enjoy the clean air, beautiful white landscape, and snow globe-like snow floating down outside my window.

I'm not dead, I'm just stressed out and tired. Work has been hell this week and started grad classes again after having 3 weeks off. Stress leaves me empty and drained. So this what adult life is like? This sucks.

Ok I will stop being depressing now.

Sunday Morning

Laying in bed with a kitty curled up beside me purring as I stalk the Internet world, seeing what others have done and experienced these past two nights. No real purpose or goal today. Not going to think of everything I should be doing, or need to do, or what I will have to do this week. This day is for me, myself, and I.

A Post About Nothing

Random thoughts:

• I am feeling super duper lazy tonight.
• Going non-stop from time you wake up to right about now will do that to you
• Must. Join. Gym.
• Really should work on a Marketing case review. Told partner I would have my half done by tomorrow night. (If you're reading this Katie, I will totes get my half to to you tomorrow, it just might be at 11:59 PM). 
• WTF was I thinking assigning myself a homework deadline for a Friday night?
• I really have no desire to do homework any more. 5 more months, 5 more months, 5 more months...
• I wish I'd had the spicy tuna roll in stead of the spicy salmon roll, but I read somewhere salmon is better for your with the Omega 3s and what nots.
• I wish my skin wouldn't get so damn dry during the winter. TMI? 
• Must resist urge to shop online.
• Must be a responsible almost-24-year-old and save money so I can move out of parent's house one day (soon).
• I have 3 shiny brand new magazines just waiting to be read.
• I'm going to read how Katy Perry and Russell Brand's marriage imploded now.

I thought I would never ever say this....

...but I wish I was that man.

...and this baby. Puppies!!!

Dailyfeats.com

I just found the most amazing website. www.Dailyfeats.com. You earn points for completing healthy daily habits from flossing your teeth to yoga to eating smaller portion sizes. And get this, after reaching a certain amount of points, you earn a gift card. So you literally get paid for making healthier choices.

This is what I have selected now, and below are just some of the other suggested goals.

2012 Resolutions

So now that I've given myself and everyone a little kick in the ass with the pep talk below here are my 2012 goals:

1. Graduate from Graduate School (without becoming a stressed-out crazy person no one wants to be around). This one is a bit of a no brainer, I will be walking in Commencement come May, but guys, working full time and going to grad school is. so. hard. My job is stressful. I work as a Care Coordinator (AKA admissions counselor) at a Residential Treatment Center (Google it if you don't know what that is). The two literally suck the life and money right out of you. So dear friends, please understand that I am not purposely alienating myself from you because I cannot go out to the bar every Saturday night like I use to, I'm just really really tired and have about 107 more pages to read in my Research Methods text. Dear J, please don't break up with me when I get super stressed and snap when you ask what movie I'd like to watch tonight. I don't mean it, and just tell me to relax. Dear Mom & Dad, please don't kick me out of the house when I become so miserable and sleep deprived between weeks 6 and 11 of the quarter. I will become your loving daughter once more when the quarter ends. That being said, I only have 5 more months of classes!!! aldkfja;dslkfj! The thought of this makes me so happy I could almost cry. I will have my thesis paper left to write after that, but psh, not thinking about that yet. 
2. Lose the damn weight. My goal is to lose 40 lbs this year. But not just lose the weight, but to gain stress coping skills through exercise. More to come on this subject.
3. Keep up with this blog. But that sort of goes hand-in-hand with the above goal. This is a weight loss/what ever the hell I want to talk about blog after all. I know, kinda hard to tell with the absence of weight loss huh?
4. See more of the US of A. This may be a bit far reaching, depending on if I can get the time off from work, but J and I are planning a cross-country road trip for 2012. I am ridiculously excited about this!

Get Off Your Bum and Just Do It

With a new year, comes new beginnings. There is a renewed sense of hope that you can do what you couldn't last year, what you failed at last year, what you never tried last year. I hate to make resolutions. I feel like I'm setting myself up for failure. But there is something to be said about mapping out your objectives, goals and ultimately your dreams. This is the perfect, albeit cliched, time of the year to reorganize and revitalize your life. We are not just insignificant beings aimlessly wandering around this Earth of ours without direction or meaning. What we do matters, not just for our own happiness and health, but to those around us. When trying something scary or reaching for something (whether it be a dream school, job, or even just talking to the cute stranger in line at the grocery store) that you may believe to be beyond your reach, is just not worth it. What if someone sees me struggling with this? What if I fail?

This has been a struggle of mine; the fear of success (or non-success rather). That may sound absolutely ridiculous to you, but this has been a very real fear throughout my life, and unfortunately I can look back with some regrets because of it. It is scary to put yourself out there for others to see and judge what you do. It can be absolutely terrifying, but in my almost 24-years, I'm starting to wise up to this; without risk there is no success. Without discomfort and challenge, there is no gain. And you may have people try to discourage you on your path, but guess what? They're jealous. Jealous that you are fearless enough to take a risk they are too scared to take themselves. Jealous that you are doing what they believe they cannot do for themselves. And yes, you might fail, but at least you can say you  tried. So here is my challenge for you dear readers, is to dream at least one crazy/terrifying/amazing thing that you want in your life, and start doing it. I dare you to think astronomical and extraordinary thoughts. Then be brave and start planning the little baby steps that will help you reach your goal.  Because I can guarantee that no one else is going to come along and do it for you. YOU have to make it happen. This is not a challenge that I am extending just to you, but also to myself.

Took a New Year's Day walk at the park with Annie the Golden Doodle and Mom.

And if you made it all the way to the end of this photo bomb, here's a video of Annie freaking out by a garbage can and seagulls struggling against the wind:

Get ready 2012, because you're about to get owned. 

Picture Source